Ontological Questions

I. Why haven’t I slept through the night since February 15, 2010?

When Clara was two days old, I cursed the parenting philosophy god Attachment with a dramatic insertion of the pacifier into Clara’s precious little sucking vortex mouth. Weeks later, I scorned Attachment’s sworn enemy, parenting god Ferber, by picking up the crying Clara after only two minutes of howling. Since these epochal moments in child rearing, I’ve adopted my own very original philosophy called “Do What Feels Good.” Usually,  it feels good to make the screaming stop and nurse Clara three times a night. Last night, however, might suggest a turning point.

Delirious at 2:28 a.m. and convinced that I’d forgotten to take Clara back to the crib, I reached over instead to take Aaron to the crib. At the touch of my cold, tentacly hands wrapping around his rather-large-for-a-baby torso, he screams, “Creepy Crawly!” and starts convulsing.

“Sorry. I thought you were Clara. I’m not awake, I don’t think” was my only explanation. Neither of us got much sleep after that.

II. Why are beans from the bag so hard to make?

I made this the other day: 

You can see that chocolate cashew biscotti is a very elegant thing to make and enjoy in the morning with a first cup of coffee. I show no fear when faced with a twenty-step recipe, even if Step #7 says, for instance, “Now knead dough with the first three fingers in a room warmed to 78 degrees.” I am, however, sent trembling by a bag of beans. Please help: I boiled them for almost five minutes!, soaked them for nearly 10 hours!!, slow-cooked them for another 14!!!, and then, with malice in my heart, boiled those stubborn legumes for 3 more hours!!!! Still, even as I plead, “Beans, why so hard and hateful?,” they never softened.

III. Why is there so much laundry when I wear the same three pairs of pants every day?


IV. What’s a post without another picture of Clara?

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