My New Maybe Job

At the peak of winter break boredom, I decided that if I’m going to work part-time, I may as well be thorough about it, which really looks, mathematically, like this: (part-time + part-time + part-time)  baby = full-time ².

My latest endeavor has been freelance writing, and yes, you’re right, there is nothing more resolutely part-time than adjuncting, teaching fitness classes, and freelancing. Good thing someone in this family named Aaron has a job that pays the dentists to tell me what an aggressive toothbrusher I am.

I interviewed with an advertising company last week–with someone pleasant named Matt who said “right on” as much as I, a teacher through and through, say “that’s a good question.” He said I might better approximate their voice if I can be just a little more weird.  Frankly, I’m scared of weird. I once sent Aaron this video of myself talking to a frog puppet in Spanish and he nearly didn’t come back from Alaska that summer.

But, I’d like to write for a little $$$, even if I have to use someone else’s voice.

Last time I was trying to sell a kayak venture and here’s what I came up with:

“It is a well-kept secret that history’s most important heroes—Prometheus, Moses, the Little Mermaid—escaped danger and spared their people the wrath of God and octopi not by foot or fin but by kayak.”

This time, it’s the operatic performance of Carmen, and here’s what I have so far:

“With so much global unrest and so many mealy apples in the fruit section, it can be nice to jump on a neighbor’s trampoline or watch shows about gypsies.”

Whether I can be weird enough or not, the best direct review of my writing came from advertising-editorial-executive-younger-than-me-probably Matt. We should all be so profit-driven, was my first sacrilegious thought.

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